Many years ago, in meditation with my spirit guide, I was given the phrase “from darkness into light”. I thought this would possibly be the title of a book if I ever got round to writing one. I’ve realised lately however that this phrase is actually the description of my journey in this lifetime and is the transformation I am here to facilitate in others.
I would like to share my own story here and how I have moved from living with fear, anxiety and low mood into confidence, self-respect and self-love.
As a child I was naturally very fearful of everyone and everything. My first memory is of nightmares of being hunted down and persecuted as a witch somewhere in France. I was dunked and drowned. Growing up in fear made me extremely timid, highly sensitive and an easy target for bullies in my teens. Kids soon sense who is unable to stand up for themselves.
I had anxiety in my teens which I now know to be social anxiety but back then it didn’t have a name. I was just a bit weird. I couldn't eat in front of others or had to eat very slowly so I didn’t choke and draw attention to myself. I never spoke up in class when I knew the answers as I had a pathological fear of being centre of attention. I always felt I had to try harder to be liked and accepted. Others seemed to find life much easier. Comparison became the norm. My self-esteem and confidence plummeted.
I left school with 3 good ‘A’ Levels but with not an ounce of self-confidence. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. I was just glad I had survived and left school. Moving into the adult world of secretarial college eased things somewhat but I had settled for a career path which was well below what was originally expected of me.
It’s easy to see from this story where low self-worth starts. Yes I had parents who loved me but they were of the generation who didn’t show it. Discipline was more important. I was a lonely child with no emotional support whatsoever.
Relationships were so hard to navigate. I lurched from one disastrous “situationship” to another, choosing partners who reflected my low self-esteem, before finally deciding in my late 20s I was better off alone.
I settled for less. I accepted my lot. I convinced myself that was ok. Reiki saved me and my training gave me a purpose - to heal myself and others. I peeled back layers of untruths that I had accepted about myself and about life. Over the years I actually started to like who I was.
Healing the heart and moving further into self-love was the final stage in my journey. I am now comfortable in my own skin, able to stand in my power. I know who I am and I like it. I am open and ready for love and welcome in new friendships, greater connection, peace, abundance, joy, maybe even romantic love one day - all the things you associated with an open, healthy, balanced heart chakra.
Self-love allows me to receive what I am worth, to receive as much as I give, to live with greater ease and flow. Above all I am able to live in the moment, free of the painful shackles of the past.
Embracing self-love has helped to release the shame of not being popular at school and the parental disappointment I was carrying for not going to University. It brought about a gradual releasing of all the negative projections and opinions that weren’t mine to carry, as well as those that came from my own deep pain within. I do believe that we all have soul wounds we are meant to heal that, when healed, allow us to step deeper into our soul purpose and finally to recognise what that soul purpose is.
Self-love helps you grow as a person rather than stagnating at the point of emotional wounding. It helps you release the past, live in the present and embrace a positive future filled with greater peace, contentment and abundance.
This is not just to boost your well-being: put simply, self-love heals your whole life.
If my story resonates with you, please connect with and/or contact me. My new Self-Love Workshop available on Sat 17th October is a good place to start (an online version will also be available). I also offer a longer 6 session 1:1 Self Love immersion program called Love, Light and Roses where we can go deeper into embodying self love, reclaiming your personal power and creating deeper shifts.
You can change. Your life can change. You are so worth it.
