We can all
think of things we would love to do in life and we can all think of a hundred
and one reasons why we can’t do them. But how many of these reasons are excuses
and how many of these excuses are just our fears?
When I first
started doing my complementary therapy work, I would often be invited along to
various groups to give talks about what I did.
I had always been a very shy, quiet person so, needless to say, I would
be extremely anxious for several days
beforehand but always made myself do it because “it was good for
business”. Just accepting the invitation
was a hurdle; showing up on the day even more of a challenge. I did several talks over the years, just
bumbling my way through in the beginning.
Eventually I began to find it easier and, dare I say it, the last one I
did, in a care home, I actually enjoyed. The funny thing was, once I’d got over
my fear, the invitations dried up. I didn’t need to learn that lesson any more.
Around that
time I came across a statement in a book I was reading that rocked me to the
core:
“Being shy is
the greatest form of self-obsession.”
As a shy
person, I was rather indignant about this! However the more I pondered those
words, the more I realised, albeit grudgingly, that they were right. By being
shy and holding back from others, you are not sharing. You are more concerned
with what people think about you. It’s all about you. Your mind is filled with “I really can’t do
that”, “I hate being centre of attention”, “I’ll start jabbering and dry up”,
“I’ll do this wrong, I’ll do that wrong”… in other words, “It’s all about me,
me, me!”
The moment
you bring your own fears and dramas into the situation, you make it about you.
The ego is going frantic, telling you that you can’t go through with it. The
ego feels threatened and will do its best to sabotage any efforts you make
towards personal growth.
Now, more
than 10 years later, I can look at this from a more objective point of view and
try to rationalise my former irrational reaction. If you really cared that much
about what people thought, you wouldn’t speak or voice an opinion/viewpoint at
all. When you think about it, whatever you say, in whichever environment you’re
in (work, home, with friends etc), some people will agree with everything you
say, some will agree with part and disagree with part and some will disagree
with you whatever you say. And that really doesn’t bother you when you’re with
people you know well! Public speaking is just speaking on a bigger scale than
you usually do. There will still be the
same ratio of those who agree, those who part agree and those who disagree.
The challenge
in life is to be yourself and let go of worrying about how you will be
received. When you are being yourself you reflect the true you. You will then
automatically attract the kinds of people who genuinely resonate with you and
need to hear what you have to say. Every one of us possesses a unique set of
gifts, passions and life experiences. All you need to do is share them
honestly. After all, people can’t like
or admire the real you if they never get to see it. Doubts and fears are normal.
Try stating your fears out loud – it makes them a little less scary. When you have fear, you are afraid to be you.
But if you can conquer one fear, then another, then another, you’re well on
your way to finding and living your soul purpose. In other words you have moved
out of ego (solar plexus chakra) and up into the heart.
Helen Shortland is a Spiritual Consultant, Reiki
Master Teacher and Holistic Therapist based at 15 Wheeler Gate in Nottingham
city centre. Helen has been on the spiritual path for 15 years and has
extensive knowledge of healing and the healing journey. For further
information about her Reiki courses, therapies and workshops, please visit her
website http://helenshortland.com or visit and ‘like’ her Facebook page Helen Shortland
Holistics.
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